Shout Out to my Married Single Mothers

These past few days this week have been so long for me. We're doing house renos before christmas & the dust just seems never ending. Along with keeping a toddler & 120lb Lab out of the dust pan, it's a full time job to say the least.

We are fortunate enough that my husbands job can maintain our household alone. Mind you, he works a ridiculous schedule & the majority of the month. I resigned from my job & now my career of being a mom & making a home is starting to blossom. 

I get to see all sides of the coin from my girlfriends. I know strong independent single working moms, mommas with hubby's on 6/6 shift, mothers who live out of town & province, while their husband commutes to & from here for work. All of them have the same daily struggles. It's the moment a second person arrives, that really seems to helps lighten a load.... Enter the mom-luxuries again, hot coffee, hot shower, blow dried hair.. You get the point. 

 OK-so maybe not the minute my hubby walks through the door. But pretty close. I sit through supper, pretending to listen (most days) about the latest job & how long they had to wait on a permit to start work. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love hearing about his day & that family time we have at the table together.  But there are occasions I am day dreaming in the back of my head. Day dreaming about that bubble bath & my iPad & catching back up on some reading. Just to soak in peace & recharge for 30 minutes. 

My hat is off to you single moms who manage to survive & not go completely insane without any help. And to you moms with spouses that are away out of town for any length of time. Seriously the definition of a super momma. 

ox

OPM

Quit "liking" me!

It's been another busy week for me & my littlest side kick. We've recently joined swimming lessons. I have no clue what I was thinking when I signed up. Now I have to start shaving my legs again, I was so comfy and fury, man!

I thought it would be a great way to meet new moms and start having more play dates! (Mental note, new entry: "people I want to punch in the throat 2.0" moms who set up play dates) 

I've mentioned my love affair with Buy & Sell groups right? I frigging love it. Ended up *almost selling something to what seemed at the time a pretty sensible chick. We had a few mutual friends but the kind of mutual friends you don't really talk too & only have them on FB to creep. Or keep around to feel good about yourself. LMFAO. Oooh, as if I'm the only one! 

We ended up making some short mom talk about the tradeshow in town & the Duggard marathon that seemed to take over both our weekends. It was nice have someone to BS with on a Sunday afternoon while Skip napped. Then that evening was the end of our communications. I think a week or more went by then I started getting messages from her again "OMG that dress you posted is beautiful I wish I was smaller I would so buy it. Could be a mini you! Hehe" ahhh - wtf Buffalo Bill? Started liking every comment or question I would post. Really made me anxious & triple check my privacy settings.

I would like to give a shout out to Facebook for really screwing with us and sending read receipts now. Thank you, buttholes.

Then the day came,.. I got a friend request. Nope. * DECLINE * BLOCK * DELETE * FILE RESTRAINING ORDER *

I am all for making new friends. I love meeting new people and learning their stories actually. Just not when they come across as creepy as F & seem to online stalk me. 

Really hope Im not making any new moms nervous about meeting friends online. I mean, I totally understand how hard it is here in town to meet friends. Especially when you're a stay at home mom. There's just other ways of going about it. Maybe if there was a POF or match.com for mothers?

Ladies, we need rules for new mommy friend searching. 

DOs

★ I would think the biggest would be to actually get out - go to a program at The Hub, or Children's Centre. Something organized by a third party so you don't need to feel pressured to stay if you become overwhelmed and want to leave. Oh hey, start swimming lessons ;) 

★ Join a mommy interest page! So much more fun to be surrounded by like minded momma. There are a lot of local FB groups & pages in town. It's actually surprising how many pages FMM has if you actually searched. Join a page or group, share stories. At the very least you'll have someone to chat with online during the day while you should be cleaning while your tyrant sleeps. 

DON'Ts

★ It's bound to happen, so try to avoid at all cos. Mompetition" ever see those Kristen Wigg sketchs from SNL? Same idea, avoid being Penelope!! Do not join in on the competition.

★ ★ ★ Lastly, don't gossip. It just makes for bad vibes. Unless it's about Kim Kardashian or the latest TMZ breaking news, keep it to yourself sweetie.  

So, like send me a friend request and we'll set up a play date ;) 

Vomit * I'm becoming one of those moms.

ox

OPM 

OMG 4 mutual friends - let's check this one out

Since I became pregnant I became very involved in social media. I've always been on Twitter & Facebook actively, just with friends never pages or groups. 

A few of my other pregnant and new mom friends  had told me about a couple local buy & sell groups, enter my addiction. "Helpful" Mommy pages & the world of buy sell & trades. It's ridiculous. 

I think I'm apart of every BSOT page in Northern AB, some parts of Saskatewan & all of Newfoundland. Every other day I find my self tagging friends who mentioned looking for a baby swing, uncles looking for trap lines, or my sister looking for wedding reception decorations.

As my son grew, and slowly started taking over our living room (now the whole house) I figured I would have a go at it and post some items for sale! What an amazing way to get rid of crap. Well not crap but you know. It was like having a yard sale only 1/8th of the effort!! Few days went by I made a couple hundred bucks selling boxes of baby clothes and other items.

No judging mommas!!

Now, I know I'm not the only one who does this so don't even say "omg, haha you creep!".  I totally went into everyone's  profile who commented or "pleased" my items. You know, to see what their deal was.  If I got the idea that she was a single mom I would take whatever she asked & sometimes add in a couple extra outfits or a box of diapers that my son grew out of. That only happened once or twice. 

After the few newborn items sold, I quit posting. I am not the best at asking money for things - I never know what to ask for it! Or I grow a odd sentimental bond with the item. "OMG no I can't get rid of this shirt, he wore this one when we flew home in Toronto Airport that time." Ugh. Really think I'm boarderline hoarder. There's that, then there's the fact I couldn't handle the women haggling to pay $5 cheaper for something. 

That's my "momma confession" for this evening then ladies. If you've pleased an item someone was selling or you've posted something on a mommy group that received a bunch of hits, you can rest assured that you've been creeped by every single person who saw it. Make sure you have your privacy settings on - or don't. ;) Us late night moms of teething toddlers need some entertainment you know! 

ox

OPM

I'm not just a regular mom - I'm a cool mom

Do you remember the moment it hit you, that you were a mother?

I mean yes the whole hospital thing that was kind of a big reality check about becoming a parent. But I mean really hit home.

I went to get my eye brows done... The little sweet ol threading wizard of a lady said to me in a thick accent "you no more big bump - you loose weight" Dawl, why thank you Kim. I'm fat but that was baby fat I'm a mom. "<awkward laugh> I just had my son last month". Holy shit. I'm a mom. I have a son. OH MY GOD. I felt like I needed photos in my wallet to present. Instead I think I showed her half a album off my phone. 

That was when it really got real for me. Actually saying the words, "my son" & it not being in the usual witty manner I was used to *Newfoundland Slang* was the beginning of me feeling like a mom. 

 ^^ always a great mean girl reference^^

When we had our family / Newborn photos done it struck me again. I was a ball of anxiety at the time. Truthfully, I was anxious with him out in public up until he was about 10months old and it finally left. I still get over come sometimes in public but I've learned to not be as paranoid. My gf had to persuade into actually going in the first place, which I am glad she did. We had a wonderful photographer, I went to middle school with her so i was a little more comfortable & laid back. 

Started out mom + dad + baby, mom + baby, dad baby you get the idea. 15 minutes in my child starts to cry & my anxiety slowly starts to rise. I started to nurse him in hopes he was hungry & would peacefully and quickly fall asleep. Hoping she could capture some Ann Geades doll moment of my sweet angel. NEWP. Wasn't happening. 35mins in now. We had the heater on, I was feeding him, burping him, rocking. Even the photographer took a swing at burping and coddling, he was not interested in it. 

Finally we gave up and decided to strip him down & grab a few cute bare bottom shots & swaddle him in a wrap propped up in a basket. We quickly found out why he wouldn't sleep. The photog swaddled him all  cozy, propped him and his little legs in the basket, then it happened. Skipper took a big, dirty, wet newborn baby green, crap in this lady's expensive muslin wrap. 

Husband laughed as he was urging walking out the door, photog laughed as she started to unswaddle him and go for wipes, and I sat there on my knees, white with embarrassment. It was at this time I had another "holy shit I'm a mom" moment. This is going to be a go to story for whenever he has a gf over and I want to embarrass him!. 

I don't think I apologized enough or offered anyone so much money in all my life. I quickly put a fresh diaper on him and packed up to head home.

We ended up with a few 20 odd photos, she offered us to come back & reschedule. But there was no way in hell I was going to attempt that again. My gf who convinced me to go, haggled for me to go back but it wasn't happening. 

Looking back, I do & do not regret not getting more newborn photos done of him. But there are only so many crochet hats, pillows & props you can use before it takes the attention off the child & just becomes tacky, in my humble opinion. 

However, I am certainly making up for the professional photos now. Every holiday we've booked a "mini session". Even a milestone 6 month shoot equipped with a cupcake smash. All the while a professional grade camera & the 3 lens, I practically begged for a few christmas' ago, lay in my spare room collecting dust. 

ox

OPM

Let me take an ELFIE ( & flush him down a toilet with marshmallows)

The stores are starting to finally fill with beautiful holiday goodies. And it is a constant struggle for me not to buy one of everything whenever we go in a store. Even Canadian Tire! Like seriously, it must be the only time of year wives are wandering the isles of that place.

So this will be Skippers 2nd Christmas. My family has many traditions. Typical Christmas Eve  things, open one gift the night before, 9/10 it ended up being jammies & a movie. Put cookies out for the fat guy and so on. Last year we spent the holidays at my in laws & I got to experience their traditions. Some I thought were completely weird (opened all their gifts the night before?!) & others I was like ok this is sweet. 

Now that I have my own family, I'm starting to look for new traditions for us to start & call our own. It has taken all that is in me NOT to buy a damned elf on the shelf. I feel pressured by Facebook & my other lover, Pinterest to get one. But really, my son is too young yet & let's be honest the elves are creepy as hell. The whole concept behind them is twisted. I would absolutely threaten the thing on him, getting out of hand, jumping on the couch? "The elf is watching!!!" 

He's called "The Elf on the Shelf" right?  Not " The Elf who Takes Bubble Baths" or "The Elf Who Plays Poker With Barbie".  Can we collectively agree to leave him on the shelf? I already deal enough Mom Guilt - I can't handle the pressure of finding a new & awesome Elf Scenario for 24 nights.

Really though - I know I'm going to fall victim & end up buying an Everette Evergreen Elf next year. I'm just not ready to accept the fact. 

ox

OPM

A shower with the door closed,..

I have managed to score a migraine for the past couple days. My first experience really, being a sick momma. I am proud to say that I am not handling it with very much grace. My hat is off to those moms of multiples who are fighting a flu! 

Since my son, I have a whole new appreciation for the little things in my life. Little things that are now luxuries. Such as, actually being able to blow dry my hair or enjoy a hot mug of tea. My kettle is boiled every few hours with the hopes of a brew, when the mug never actually makes it out of the cupboard. I get so distracted in those three minutes of boiling time & forget all about it. 

Who are these mothers with the freakishly clean homes & perfectly groomed eyebrows. Where are you mommas?! Share some of your secrets & dark magic with the rest of us. 

ox

OPM

Hello? Yes, I'm here.

Remember the days of 2 hour gossip sessions on the phone with your BFF? You know talking about the night before and who hooked up with who and who was wearing what. Or even watch a tv show together? I am guilty of watching many "The Bachelor" episodes with my bestie in Newfoundland. 

Well, these days are now ancient history. Or at least I'm assuming so. For my mommy friends who have kids I don't feel so bad talking to them, it's really refreshing when they have to drop the phone & run while screaming "don't you out that in your mouth!" or some other routine ask of a child. You know "leave the dog alone" "get off of that!" "here take this go sit down mommy is on the phone with auntie" & my personal fav & most used lately "OMFG -what?!" 

It's the convos with non parent friends I am most dreadful of lately. To truly expect a meaningful conversation with an exploring toddler in the middle of the day is impossible. Usually starts out as a FB wall post or a txt "hey, let's have a phone date!" Before I can even reply with a nap schedule the phone is ringing. 

Well here we go. Que the circus music. My hands are normally mid elbow deep in the sink washing dishes, so the inaugural "balance this cordless on your shoulder" mom move is out in full force. I usually get a solid 5-10min chat in before my child spy's me from the living room and makes a B-line for my pants leg. What started out as a lets plan your wedding chat has now quickly turned into a " let's pretend I'm listening about your wedding planning while I wrangle my baby off the back of the couch" chat. 

Oh & along with sounding like someone who's having a massive turret attack. It will truly be a miracle of my son doesn't grow up thinking his name is "jumpins" or "holy crap". You know, "Holy crap, give that up, get down!". Yes I am blessed with a climber. 

I've come to realize that my best form of communication to my childless friends, at this point in time is Facebook or texting. I've given up on actual phone conversations all together. Just to avoid sounding like a crazy woman. 

ox

OPM

Hair go down the Drain-Oh ... EI EI OH

No one told me after you have a baby you shed for basically a year.

(Just gonna put this here 

http://www.atypicalenglishhome.com/2013/07/how-to-clean-hair-brushes-and-combs.html?m=1 ) 

Heightened estrogen levels during pregnancy help with that luscious mane of thick glorious hair you rocked. Now the levels have dropped... time to go back to normal. I'm going to assume that is part of the reason most mommas go for a short 'do. Along with he fact short hair is easier to maintain. 

I have a "round" face according to every makeup tutorial I've take so short hair really isn't my fave look to sport. 

When I found out I was having a baby I stopped dying my hair just out of personal choice. I really lucked out because ombré just started becoming a big thing. Now I'm about 4" away from having an àunatural head of hair since grade 5. 

Not having damaged hair has taken some getting used to. I've dyed my hair blonde for so many years and really liked the texture it had became and how easy it was to style. 

 Ever see that girl on YouTube & then Ellen,  curl her hair only to have the curl burn off? (See HERE http://youtu.be/uQVo1djX_xE ) Yeah I've done that... several times now. And have since turned the heat setting to it's lowest. And yes - it stinks to the high heavens. 

My hair is super fine so the "new product line up journey" was a long one - filled with multiple experiment shampoos, treatments and yes even a pin or two. But, I am excited to announce this weekend I managed to find a rocking new régime! This shampoo/conditioner combo has made my hair so much more healthier in the past few days. And the texturizer, when I do actually get to dry my hair (who knew THAT would have been such a luxury?) 

If there's anyone looking for a new shampoo - conditioner I would defiantly go with this one. Also!! by far the most girly thing I have ever written or read. Oh AND stickers & glitter & kittens are awesome too ;)  

xo

OPM

UPDATE:  Couple mommas had asked what I used for mascara & eyeliner, again on that rare glorious day I do get to wear makeup. Personally - I am not a lover of the fibre lash and extension craze that is going around. I find any of the Benefit line is amazing and possibly 1/4 of the cost. 

  

I'm never going to be one of those moms...

I was never one much for following through with plans. Which is why I am not surprised why I ended up winging my birth plan and pretty much everything parenting related there on out! 

From the time I announced I was pregnant I got bombed with questions & people expecting me to know the answer. " are you getting the epidural?" "will you bottle feed" "are you finding out what you're having?" & so on & so fourth. I admit I am guilty for asking a lot of these pre parenthood questions as well. Most of the time it was out of excitement for my friend & not based on me having an opinion on the subject. I didn't even know you had to burp an infant for crying out loud!

I formed my parenting opinions & ideas from watching my friends rear their kids. I thought I had the perfect plan on how I would raise mine one day. I would never nurse, that is so wrong & just nasty. Co sleep? That's what cribs are made for, babies. What a buzz kill a kid in the middle of you and your husband. Pfft yeah right. NOT happening. Well, I have become my own hypocrite these. So many more "no way"s I had thought out in my head, I am doing. You know why, because they work for me & my husband. Not because I read it somewhere, not because another mom told me.

The first night home on our own was the longest most frightening night ever. Mothers, aunts &  friends offering advice on the do's & do nots of how to put an infant to sleep. "Don't start rocking him you'll never break him of it!" & "Oh my god no pacifier, he'll end up with buck teeth". Guess what, he fell asleep in the rocking chair while I forced him to suck on a nummy. OMG. I've scarred my child for life that's it - it's over he's going to turn to Maggie Simpson and forever be attached to his pacifier. Pfft. My son hates that piece of rubber, he has maybe taken it a handful of times since and probably only to chew on it while he's been teething. I still rock him but he's not dependant on it. I enjoy that time at he end of the night most evenings. Yes, I know most of you have a strict "no rock - no walk " sleep policy. My mother & grandmother being apart of that group.

All mommas have an opinion & most have no trouble letting you know. Some of the more loveable popular opinions I enjoy reading and being a by stander are the car seat, BF vs formula & immunization debates that happen at every single baby group/FB page/ & infant anything I happen to attend or be apart of. I am not one to voice concern of another momma bears cub - as hard as it is at times. I like to think of myself as having a laid back personality & the same laid back approach to people. You know a "whatever floats your boat" kind of thing. I only have to worry about my one & only. If your baby will self sooth and go to sleep on their own, kudos. What do you do with that awesome extra bit of "me time"? If your sweet little is dependant on a soothie & a plushie to get to sleep, that's freakin adorable. What's do they call their teddy? It's not hard ladies - just chill and encourage each other. 

Enjoy your pregnancy, listen to everyone's advice. Research options, google, post on a mommy board for advice. Take everything with a grain of salt & really do what feels right and best for you and your child. Don't ever feel judged about doing something. I realize that's easier said than done but trust me here. Everyone's child has rolled walked or crawled off something, we've all felt like letting them cry for the 10mins it's going to take to get that much needed shower. I'm sure there's a long list more of common "i am the worse mom ever" activities. 

We are all moms doing our best that we can & what works for our crazy families. Don't be so hard on yourself, you rock momma.

xo

OPM

Momsomnia | the do's & don'ts of sleep depravation

Ever get a brilliant idea late at night and just go with it? While doing my late night clean up & watching reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians  it dawned on my that I should totally get a spray tan for halloween. Those of you who know me know exactly how this pretty much always pans out. Yet, like a cat, I keep going back. With hopes of "this time is different". 

I don't know what it is, but every show I watch (mainly SLICE or E) I get the urge to buy a tonne of fake lashes, rock a smokey eye & get a spray tan. I can't be the only one? 

So as I'm cleaning the fish bowl. WHICH is a whole other story on it's own. Side note, don't ever let someone  buy your child a beta. Who knew such a tiny fish could crap so much! We're going on a month with the little guy and I swear I've had to clean the bowl 78 times! < give or take ;) > So I'm scrubbing this beta gunk out of these colorful rocks, and I remember I have some self tanner left over from my BILs wedding this summer. Awesome. Straighten the little crap machine out back in his bowl again in hopes tomorrow morning he'll be floating on top and I headed to the bathroom.

11pm, the house is cleaned, hubby and baby are sound asleep none the wiser of what is about to go down. Why not crack a bottle of wine and enjoy a bubble bath. A good exfoliate before Operation: Hollywood Scarlett. 

I've read the labels and no where on these bottles do they state "do not apply after shave". 

So I'm all sprayed and admiring my mom-on-a-budget self tan at home. Wondering how long it'll last for this time. Then I hear it, I hear my child stir in his bed. 20 more minutes God that's al I'm asking for 20 mins of drying time. Newp. Nope. Nodda.not happening. He is now standing in his crib looking around almost fully awake. Being the self proclaimed Mommy McGuyver that I am - I began to dry myself with the hair dryer hoping he would just settle himself again and the world would be at peace.

 It was working! He plopped back on his tummy and settled in for the rest of the night. Until I dropped the hair dryer in the sink and the dog lost his marbles. We are fairly certain our dog is a meth head reincarnated as a Black Lab,... so paranoid. 

So, I just got in bed after rocking our child to sleep. Now I am praying to the Self Tanner Gods that the hair dryer thing worked & that my offspring will not have half a head of orange in the morning. 

xo

OPM

Sexy Care Bear or Nurse?

It's that time of year again, halloween. What is better than dressing as whatever you like for one night without being judged & getting free kit kats?! Win win. I get so pumped every year to the next best cliché couples costume for my hubby & I to dawn. Isn't that an unwritten cardinal holiday rule? If you're in a relationship automatically he has to be the bacon to your egg or the Fred to your Wilma right? I remember being at the Newfie Club and poking so much fun at those couples and yet every year I end up coordinating our outfits. (* side note we do not coordinate our vacation shirts, just halloween costumes, there is still hope.)

So I'm pinning(duh), getting pumped  to hit up the local halloween store to see what I can come up with and blow $200 on. After spending 10mins finding somewhere to park I enter the doors with excitement and awe. 4mins in I realized in the back corner, 7ft up in the air, is where they decided to stash all the plus size costumes are. Lovely. As if I didn't already feel like I was being judged on my costume choice at the check out  now I get to ask the 17yo kid for a hook to get the slutty flight attendant costume down for me to size over.

Let's see - What do i have to pick from, a Greek Goddess, Viking or Freddie Kruger. Then the classics red riding hood, witch or indian. Sorry.  "pow wow princess" WTF lol not the least bit offensive. Long story short - I ended up grabbing the first one I grabbed & paired it up with something for the hubby and got out of there as fast as I arrived.

Fun fact. Did you know there are sexy care bear costumes? 

I plan on taking our little one out for an hour, I figure that should be long enough to yield a decent size chocolate stash for me until christmas. Then I'm  hitting an adult house party to flaunt my purchases and enjoy a sociable. OR maybe I'll just hand out candy, no make up and bra-less in jammies, the way the pagans meant for this holiday to be celebrated.

xo

OPM

NAILED IT!

So Pinterest has taken over my life lately. There's that. What's new with you doll faces?

I just spent 2.5 hours searching no carve pumpkin ideas and my hands are now coated in spray paint. My black glitter gourd could really be a "nailed it" hall of famer. 

I always enjoyed pinning, but even more now that I'm a mom. I started to actually read the links & not just post the cute picture lol. I've wanted to take up crochet & antique furniture restoration over the summer in result to my midnight pin sessions. I have yet to buy anything to aid with these gorgeous pinned ideas. 

My child recently turned one, the pressure to have an all handmade decorated party was heavy, thanks to the ol P. There seem to be a lot of crafty mommas here in town! If you have the time & enjoy it I think it is wonderful. Personally I love how it makes the day that much more important & special. Homemade birthday cakes are THE BEST. $240 fondants are way overrated IMO. It seems they are a must have staple for parties. I see every day moms posting on the FMMN FB page asking for recommendations on cake ladies. Girl break out the Bette Crocker and bread pan, get the babes involved and make a cake and memories. If it flops head to Sobeys & have a laugh.

ox

OPM

Don't roll those bloodshot eyes at me..

     It's midnight on a Sunday, I'm nursing our six month old who seems to be going through a growth spurt. Which, everyone seemed to forget to tell me prior to baby. Did you know this? Its like they binge eat for hours on end like little Regina Georges (mean girl reference) #isbutteracarb . Seriously, glad baby is growing and is healthy & Lord knows I could really use the work out. What better way than doing arm curls with a car seat & a  healthy lil 22lb bambino. Up & down out of a 8" lifted pick-up..? TAKE THAT JILLIENNE MICHEALS!
   So as you may have guessed, I am a first time loving mom with a few batty moments. There is really only so much you can do while nursing a baby. Facebook, candy crush, text other nursing moms, or start a blog. While I'm perusing the Everything Goes FB page about how some woman in Thickwood is selling Scentsy & another who has 14 pairs of scuffed Aldo shoes for sale for a firm $200 (lol this is a whole other topic). I got to thinking,  "I need to do something productive while I'm stuck here in this chair!". Que leg curls! It was honestly the longest 3.5 minutes of my life and then that idea went out the window fast. 

    A'las my little papoose is content with a full tummy and has drifted off to sleep. I should finish off my level 48 of candy crush and fall head first into my bed behind my snoring hunk. Hang in there mommas, shortchange is coming. Daddy can take the reigns for tomorrow's midnight feeding.

xo
OS Momma